Category: Let's talk
I don't mean this post to be offensive in any way, but i will explain what i mean by this. I was wondering if you have been in a situation where someone has asked someone else something about you when you're sitting in the same room as them like "does she/he want a drink?" "can she/he get here okay?" me and my friend call it does he/she take sugar syndrome. I don't see why these people don't just ask us, we are human, we just can't see. i've been in this situation with my ex stepmother and wondered if anyone else had had the same experiences as me.
yup. many times! many sighted friends of mine get very annoyed when ppl do this when we're in a pub or something. it gets on my nerves a good bit.
I've had this so bloody often and the anger and frustration is just as bad as ever..I've also seen it happening to my brother and Ally is not so good at side stepping the pain..thought he's had to learn..
Ive also been with a disabled friend Kenny who has cp and is vi,Kenny is quite able to speak but due to the cp he has difficulty in getting himself organised to speak,often people have asked me what he would prefer to eat/drink or the real insult "does he understand what's on the menu" I just sit cringing and waiting for his sarcastic reply.
My nan's done it all my life. Now, I say to her, I can! hear you..... Or, I can answer myself..... We just treated it as a joke rather than a problem and she doesnt' do it so much anymore. I think, older people especially, have never been around disabled people so much, so although it's frustrating for us, it's even harder for them. They dont' mean to offend I don't think... Some people find it incredibly scary, dealing with something or a different kind of person to what they're used to. You just need to be patient with them and sit them down and talk to them.
SugarBaby your right and although we try to make allowances for their ignorance, there comes a time when you have to speak up and educate them,otherwise you are perpetuating the cycle of "the poor soul he's no right its a shame"
As much as it may be true that old people are not used to disabled people ETC, I think tht people who work at places where comunication is essential, IE public places, restaurants ETC. shold learn and be aware that there's no need to talk to disabled people like that. The other day I was taken by a person from London underground to waterloo station, they took me to a south west train official, first thing that this person from SW trains said was: "Where does he need to go," to which the underground person replied: "I got no idea, why don't you ask him?" I didn't even tell the undergorund person where I was going nor did he ask me, as there was no need for him to know. I think that if you work at a place like a train station and I know that most of the people deal with blind/sdisabled people on almost daily bases shold be on a higher level and should not address disabled people like that. To some extent I'd understand a person on the street who maybe doesn't have much experience with disabled people or who is not sure how to aproach them because they never had an oportunitty to meet a disabled person, but people who work in public plases/established companies should know that they should comunicate with their disabled customers just like with everyone else.
I had an experience like this in a restaurant once. The waitress came up and asked the sighted woman I was with for her order, then when it came to me, she asked in what I thought sounded like a haughty tone, and what will she have? and I gave her my order in a very formal tone.
wonderwoman
Internetking your right pal and we have found that the majority of the public sector workers are ok but it varies greatly and you would think that in a city the size of Glasgow,where the disabled population are highly visible,that things would improve...however yet again those with any level of awareness are few and far between
yeah some people treat these situations differently. i think it's good to say that you can actually hear them and i agree with internet king, people in public establishments should be able to talk to us, we're not alliens. when my ex step mother asked my sister once if i'd like a drink i piped up "yes please and if you were polite enough to ask me yourself we may get on a little better" i know that may have been the wrong thing to say, but i was in a bad mood that day. now, we're fairly good friends and she asks me things now she's got used to me.
the reality is that wherever you go people are ignorant, not just of disability, of life in general sometimes. How many people have you heard talking to an old person as if they were a child? surely that's the same thing? and yet these old people are the people who brought us up, they're a couple generations before us, and once they get old they get treated like children again
Society has definately become more insular and selfish I have noticed increasing hostility to mothers with prams, trying to access a building,those without children complain about this intrusion and do nothing to help..Borders bookstore repeatedly place a cone directly in front of the automatic doors to prevent a mother, or a wheelchair user, from entering the building...they seem oblivious of the message this sends to us "keep out your not welcome!"
I don't think that they're deliberately trying to send that message, and to be fair I think that pram users are equally ignorant - as a mother I have the right to this opinion, but so often you see people with pushchairs and they stick them right out in the middle of the isles while they stand and have a chat with their friends and no one can get through. so .. nope sorry, I can understand the hostility towards pram users in some instances.
yeah so can i, i went to borders in london to meet a very famous person once and there was a cone there, which was moved when i said excuse me rather loudly and i agree with you, i've heard old people being spoken to like they are children.
We met Murray Walker Formula 1 commentator in Borders he was charming.smile.
The strange thing is Sheelob this cone says
"floor is wet dangerous surface take care!" that is its only purpose to avoid the risk of a customer falling and suing borders for negligence,they are blatantly sticking their middle finger up a a large percentage of society.
SugarBaby Ok you havea valid point and until I became a parent, I too, lost the heid several times with the ignorant mothers we referred to certain crowd as the Panzer Division...
.........I'm afraid there is a hidden agenda behind this reference to Borders I will shortly be going around Glasgow on 4 wheels to get a taste of the hassle involved..christ! As if I don't already know...the mere thought of how the population of Glasgow, will react to a blind fella in a chair, fills me with dread...still needs must when the devil drives your imagination.
I agree with Sugarbaby, I dont' think they do it on purpose. I've seen both old people and disabled people treated this way and it's happened to me a fiar few tiems too, mostly in restaurants. While we're on the subject, I just wanted to say that it's really really funny when people still give me crayons and paper even though I'm fourteen cuz I look like I'm about eleven. Lol. Just thought I'd mention that. But yeah, i think people out in the public shoudl be aware andk now how to treat people with disabilities. So, as the Snowman says, "When the waiter asks your friend what you'll have for lunch, answer in a clear, loud voice." Or something. Lol.
Yup been there. Mainly these days whomever I'm with will let me speak on my own behalf unless I'm to tired or shy to talk. But I know my eye condition well, I know myself well and I aint no 7 yr old who needs their hand held like that. Friday for example mom and I were at the Super Walmart in Morgantown, Pa and we're talking about what to get our dog and this walmart employee walks up to us and says to my mom "Is she totally blind? Does she use a guide dog?" I'm like so close I was so about to say something but mom was already there. And when mom answered the employee said "Well she can't bring a dog in here anyways......" It's like "Bitch keep your nose out of my business." Another instance is at the nail place, a manicurist who was doing my mom's peticure instead of asking me asks mom. It's like I don't care anymore I can think and talk for myself. My friends also get annoyed when this happens. "Ask her yourself, she wont bite."
Yeah...good going Jessica hehehe! People are lots of times asking my mom these things, and then she starts to answer and I like stare at her and then I answer hehehe! It's funny! But now it's kind of a joke like with Sugar, where she doesn't do it as much. I've never really been with my friends and had someone do this to me, but i'm not sure how most of them woudl react, really... it'd be interesting to be in a situation liek that and see what happened.
Caitlin
Oh and I thought guide dogs coudl go into anny store?
Yeah I've seen a guide dog in a super walmart before. Super Walmarts is one of these franchises that has a walmart on one side of the building and a grocery store on the other, but in one big building.
Sounds good to me, good one stop shopping. WELL OBVIOULSY that woman didn't know what she was talking abou heehehhe lol.
some people just don't know that that's the law though. I remember once just after I got my guide dog I went into a marks and spencers and a little kid, couldn't have been more than about 5 came running in after me crying "no no no no no no, doggies aren't allowed in shops!"
aww, gotta love kids. that's like the little girl who thought my cane was to hold me up cause of my big shoes.
What I have never understood is why these people automatically assume there is something amiss in the brain department,where does this ridiculous idea originate from, has it been handed down from the older generation, personally I think its simply a cruel and desperate trick they rely on now and again, to bring disabled people down to a level where they can deal with them....
No i don't think it's a conscious effort by people. I really don't think the majority of people go out there and think, "oh, he's disabled, better talk to him as if he's thick because i don't want to think of a disabled person on my level", I think some people just don't know how to relate, the same way some people don't know how to relate to a child for instance. It must be strange for instance, for someone who has never had dealings with blind people, to have a conversation with someone without being able to make eye contact, or to try and talk to a deaf person who cannot talk as well as you or i. While I am not trying to justify the way some people are, I do think we should just accept that some people just can't relate as well as others, and get rid of this notion that the able bodied world has a grudge against the disabled one.
Lol! Sugarbaby that was a funny and cute story about the little kid who came running in after you and your dog! What did you do? And Puggle ... your big shoes? How hilarious! And yeah I agree with Sugarbaby that I don't think people talk down to disabled people on purpose, but just dont' know how to act sometimes. Luckily for me, I haven't encountered too many people like this; most everyone I've encountered treats me properly and like i'm a human being! Heh.
of course some peoples' ignorance has to be seen to be believed .. when I lived in Cardiff I went shopping, again in M&S one day, and the woman who helped me was somewhat patronising. Anyway we got chatting and she said (in her best cardiff accent), "oh i think it's amazing that you are able to manage, so tell me lovely, how do you manage to cook?" to which i replied, "oh I'm a very good cook". she thought about this for a couple of seconds and then said, "and does the dog help with that at all?"
SugarBaby your right I always expect too much and it inevitably leads to disappointment..but if we accept the status quo what does that say about us, and the reckless souls, who have spent decades protesting for reform...
LOL! That was the best 1 yet if these people didn't exist you couldn't invent them..
Hahahahahahah! Does the dog help you cook...I'm so sure! Lol! But I still wanna know what you ended up saying to that little kid who tried to stop you and your dog from going into the store?
Caitlin
yeah so do i hee hee, and my brother who is only 6, thought my cane was a broomstick once as he was interested in witches, thought i was one so there ya go.`
oh the little kid's mother halled it away and explained that it was a very special dog and that it was allowed in shops.
Lol...Sb...That is funny! And so is yorus Sheelob? A broomstick, and that you're a witch? How hilarious! Well one of my friends who's two years younger than me saw me walking around school before she actually knew me, and she and her friends thought I was hunting for gold in the grass with it! Lol!
ah but how many of you have had the opposite approach? how many of you have gone to a restaurant and been offered a menu? or asked to check before signing in a shop? a clasic for me was when I went christmas shopping in 2003 with my guide dog of course, and my son who i was then carrying in a back carrier. well this shop assistant helped me to buy the things i bought, and actually I bought loads without actually thinking about how I was gunna carry it all home. anyway when I got to the till and paid, she then said to me "so where did you park your car?"
LOL! In Ireland I've twice been given a menu and 5 minutes later your man appeared back and asked would I like to order! So bold as brass I "read" the menu and ordered fresh crayfish in a cream sauce with a pint of guiness,he never caught on not even when I was wandering around unable to find the gents.
Now I've seen this topic up for ages and ages but I can't withhold my curiosity any longer: what is sugar syndrome? And how can you take a syndrome - I thought it was something with which you were born or which you might develop. i certainly didn't think you had a choice in the matter.